US, THE JEWS
Jews are those things that God loves. Since roses are beautiful, we must assume that God loves them. Therefore, roses are Jewish. By the same reasoning, the stars and planets are Jewish, all children are Jewish, pretty “art” is Jewish (Shakespeare wasn’t Jewish, but Hamlet was), and sex, when practiced between husband and wife in a good and suitable position, is Jewish. Is the Sistine Chapel Jewish? You’d better believe it.
THE ANIMALS
The animals are those things that God likes but doesn’t love.
OBJECTS THAT EXIST
Objects that exist are those things that God doesn’t even like.
OBJECTS THAT DON’T EXIST
Objects that don’t exist don’t exist. If we were to imagine such a things as an object that didn’t exist, it would be that thing that God hated. This is the strongest argument against the nonbeliever. If God didn’t exist, he would have to hate himself, and that is obviously nonsense.
(Everything is Illuminated, Jonathan Safran Foer)
